How do people feel about sharing a dildo with a partner?

Sharing a dildo with a partner can be a source of connection and excitement for many couples, but it also comes with a range of emotions, considerations, and challenges. People’s feelings about sharing dildos often vary based on personal comfort, hygiene practices, and the dynamics of their relationship. Here’s an in-depth look at how individuals and couples feel about sharing dildos and the factors that influence these feelings:

1. Bonding and Intimacy

Enhancing Connection: For many, sharing a dildo with a partner can be an intimate and bonding experience. It can symbolize trust and openness in the relationship, showing that both partners are comfortable exploring each other’s desires and engaging in mutual pleasure. The act of using a dildo together often involves a level of collaboration that can strengthen the emotional bond between partners, making the experience both physically and emotionally fulfilling.
Playful Exploration: Some couples find that sharing a dildo adds a layer of playfulness and variety to their sexual experiences. This can be especially true when experimenting with different types of dildos, such as double-ended dildos or strap-ons. The shared experience of trying new toys fosters a sense of teamwork and excitement, turning intimate moments into opportunities for shared discovery and fun.

2. Comfort and Communication

Discussing Desires and Boundaries: Successful sharing of a dildo requires open and honest communication. Many individuals feel more comfortable sharing a toy when both partners have clearly expressed their desires and boundaries. This might involve talking about how the dildo will be used, what each partner is comfortable with, and whether they would like to alternate roles or participate in mutual stimulation. People who communicate well with their partners often feel a greater sense of trust and relaxation when sharing toys.
Addressing Concerns Upfront: Some individuals initially feel hesitant or embarrassed about suggesting the use of shared toys, worried about how their partner will react. However, couples who have managed to create a space where they can discuss desires without judgment typically find that it leads to deeper intimacy and better sexual satisfaction. Phrasing such conversations in terms of shared exploration—“Would you like to try this with me?”—can help ease into the topic and invite participation.

3. Hygiene and Safety Concerns

Health and Sanitation Practices: One of the primary concerns that individuals have when considering sharing a dildo with a partner is hygiene. Even within committed relationships, proper cleaning and safety measures are important to prevent the spread of bacteria or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Couples often discuss or establish clear practices, such as using condoms over the dildo or ensuring thorough cleaning between uses. High-quality, non-porous materials like medical-grade silicone are preferred due to their ease of cleaning and safety.
Using Protection: For some couples, using condoms over the dildo during shared play is a way to maintain hygiene while minimizing risk. Condoms can be easily changed between partners, making the transition safer and more comfortable. The use of barriers can be particularly important for partners who are not in monogamous relationships or who want extra peace of mind.

4. Emotional and Psychological Responses

Feelings of Vulnerability: Sharing a dildo with a partner can sometimes evoke feelings of vulnerability. This is particularly true for individuals who are trying a toy for the first time or who have specific preferences that they may feel shy about expressing. Overcoming these feelings often requires trust and an environment where both partners feel safe to communicate their thoughts and reactions.
Building Confidence: On the flip side, many people report that sharing a dildo helps build confidence and mutual respect in the relationship. Partners who are open to using shared toys often feel validated in their desires, leading to a stronger sense of sexual agency and self-assurance. The experience can reaffirm that both partners are willing to explore and support each other’s pleasure.

5. Power Dynamics and Shared Control

Taking Turns and Sharing Power: The use of shared toys often invites new dynamics into the sexual relationship, allowing partners to alternate roles and share control. For example, one partner may use the dildo to stimulate the other and then switch roles, balancing power and enhancing the experience for both parties. This shared control can be exciting and empowering, offering both partners a chance to give and receive pleasure in new ways.
Dominance and Submission Play: In relationships that involve elements of BDSM or power play, sharing a dildo can add another dimension to the dynamic. The dominant partner may use the dildo as a tool for control, while the submissive partner may find excitement in surrendering to the experience. In these scenarios, communication is even more critical to ensure that both partners feel respected and safe.

6. Types of Shared Play

Double-Ended Dildos: One popular option for couples looking to share a dildo is a double-ended toy. This type of dildo allows for mutual penetration or simultaneous stimulation, fostering a sense of connectedness and shared pleasure. Many people find that double-ended dildos are particularly intimate, as they require both partners to synchronize their movements and maintain close physical contact.
Strap-On Play: Strap-on dildos can be used for role reversal or pegging, allowing partners to experience different aspects of giving and receiving pleasure. For some, this form of play challenges traditional gender roles and opens up new perspectives on intimacy and trust. Couples who engage in strap-on play often report that it deepens their relationship by encouraging empathy and communication.

7. Navigating Hesitations and Discomfort

Overcoming Initial Awkwardness: It’s not uncommon for people to feel awkward or self-conscious the first few times they share a dildo with their partner. This can be due to a variety of reasons, such as inexperience, fear of judgment, or body image concerns. To overcome this, some couples start with less intimidating toys or use humor to diffuse tension and create a more relaxed atmosphere.
Checking In During Use: Regular check-ins during shared play can help both partners feel comfortable and ensure that boundaries are being respected. Questions like, “Does this feel good?” or, “Would you like me to change anything?” show that one partner is attentive and willing to adapt, fostering a sense of security and mutual enjoyment.

8. Trust and Emotional Connection

Symbol of Trust: Sharing a dildo is often seen as a symbol of trust and acceptance. For many couples, being willing to explore new types of pleasure together indicates a high level of comfort and openness. The willingness to try new things without fear of judgment can reinforce the emotional connection between partners and contribute to a healthier, more satisfying relationship.
Deepening Bond Through Exploration: Couples who share toys frequently report feeling more bonded due to the shared experience of exploration and the vulnerable nature of trying something new together. Whether it’s an experience full of laughter and play or one that’s deeply passionate and exploratory, sharing a dildo can become a special and memorable part of their sexual repertoire.

9. Practical Considerations and Preferences

Choosing the Right Toy: Finding the right dildo for shared use can be an enjoyable process for couples. Some prefer realistic dildos for their lifelike feel, while others might opt for textured or uniquely shaped toys to add different sensations. Involving both partners in the selection process ensures that the toy meets both of their needs and preferences.
Hygienic Storage: After shared use, proper cleaning and storage are important to maintain hygiene and extend the toy’s life. Couples often establish shared practices for cleaning toys immediately after use or designate who takes care of cleaning. Having a hygienic storage system, like a designated toy bag or drawer, ensures that the dildo is ready for future use and keeps the practice safe.

10. Building Positive Associations

Creating Rituals Around Shared Play: Some couples develop rituals or routines around shared toy play, such as setting the mood with candles or music, which can make the experience feel special and meaningful. These rituals help frame the use of shared toys as a positive and enjoyable part of their intimacy, reinforcing positive associations.
Celebrating Openness: People who have embraced sharing dildos with their partner often speak about the sense of pride and satisfaction they feel in having a relationship that supports open exploration. Celebrating small victories—like a partner’s willingness to try something new or the joy of finding a toy that both partners enjoy—helps cultivate an environment where experimentation and pleasure are embraced without shame or embarrassment.

Conclusion

People’s feelings about sharing a dildo with a partner range from excitement and curiosity to initial hesitation and concern. Those who communicate openly, prioritize hygiene, and approach the experience with mutual respect often find that it can be a deeply satisfying and bonding activity. Sharing a dildo can signify trust, build intimacy, and enhance the sexual repertoire of a relationship. By addressing any concerns upfront and fostering an atmosphere of openness, couples can turn this shared experience into an opportunity for connection, growth, and enhanced pleasure.